heroines of my dreams

feministcomingoutday:

Allison, 20, Hollywood/New York/Toronto 

I have been a professional actress since the age of 11. Before that, I was an elementary school outcast; a drama student who took her mom’s last name instead of her dad’s. Women’s rights have been of paramount importance to me my entire life, but my true feminist awakening didn’t occur until last month.

Being part of the Hollywood rat race means not only consuming the inescapable beauty standard that pervades billboards and magazine covers everywhere, but competing with industry sexism to make a living. I assure you, the double standard that exists in employment around the world is no different than in Hollywood. Women make less, and sometimes having big breasts or a prettier face is what can get you the job.

I am currently in mid-production on a television series, a gig I am proud and honored to be a part of. I get to play a smart, self-possessed young woman who doesn’t apologize for her talents and intellect, alongside a bevy of other strong, smart female characters. I’m lucky.

I awoke on my day off a few weeks ago with a distinct concern. I went through my catalogue of young women in the media: the Taylor Swifts vs. the Taylor Momsens, the Mileys and Vanessas, the Lady Gagas and Katy Perrys. I frowned at the idea that I couldn’t think of a pop-packaged celebrity who could influence girls and young women in a positive way. Don’t get me wrong, there are a slew of actresses and musicians who grace the red carpet at awards season every year who seem to epitomize elegance and class; but are they the ones that girls try so desperately to emulate? I’ve seen more high schoolers try for a Kim Kardashian look than a Gloria Steinem attitude. Of all the celebrities for celebrity’s sake, I couldn’t think of a celebrity for feminism’s sake.

That morning I decided to learn as much as I could about a word that so many people tiptoe around, creating stereotypes and claiming it’s ineffective. I visited Feministing.com and the Riot Mag, bought Full Frontal Feminism (by Jessica Valenti) and No Turning Back (by Estelle Freedman), and examined my own beliefs and ideals, measuring what I valued against the tenets of feminism. I felt like I’d walked into Cheers. Even though I was making this exploration on my own, I immediately felt part of a community that had been waiting for me my whole life; it was just up to me to find the door.

I feel I’ve gained a logical perspective on the frustrating standards of Hollywood, as well as a perspective on my own insecurities. With all the pressure to stay thin, tan, and beautiful, I’ve learned that the only true validation can come from within. I don’t have to depend on my job or the men in my life to sustain my self-esteem.

I’m going to keep looking for the famous women of my generation to step up. In the meantime, I’m going to continue to seek out roles like the one I enjoy playing so much now: strong, smart, and ultimately individual. I may not be a celebrity yet, but I promise to never become famous for fame’s sake, but an artist for Allison’s sake.

This is what a feminist looks like.